hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
