If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
bring money and cleavage
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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