In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
