Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize