I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
