Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
