After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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