I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
