True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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