I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
soo... how was my night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
