how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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