I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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