Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
