the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
