my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize