ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i have herpe
just one?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
