I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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