I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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