There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
