hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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