i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
