just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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