my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
