Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize