You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she peed on how many people?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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