fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
