she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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