i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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