What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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