i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
