my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
