I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
