I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
