dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize