you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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