when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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