Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize