Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
