I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
