Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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