She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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