So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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