so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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