sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
