New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
