I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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