just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
