she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
