stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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