Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
