and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
