Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wear drunk well.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
