normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
