Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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