hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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