New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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