she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
