I'm gonna have a badass scar
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
