I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
