I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
