i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
