shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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