Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
