now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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